So this week I got a bit of feedback from my mentor that has me wondering, once again, if I’m even in the right field. I have pretty much been asking myself whether Linguistics is for me since my very first class, but I’ve trucked on through it. Now, at the end, as I’m doing my practicum, I’m back to square one in wondering whether this is for me. And kind of thinking it’s not.

Here’s the feedback though:

“Really study your charts before class.  Same goes for the exercises you choose for the day.  Pencil the answers in the book to avoid confusion in the moment.  Some of the students have studied this information before- don’t let [name of student who showed me up in class] (for ex) show you up when another student has a question.  That’s a really easy way to lose credibility with them.  They know you’re still learning, but it’s best that they aren’t reminded of it- ultimately, they need to be able to count on you for solid knowledge and you need to be able to do your job without them trying to take advantage of your newness. (for ex, we don’t want them saying well I got all these questions wrong on the test because I was confused about that point and when I asked you, you weren’t sure either)”

It’s so frustrating. Is it supposed to be this hard? I’m “teaching” upper-level proficiency students, and I’m teaching writing and grammar. I’m trying to think of these things as a blessing, but they really just make me feel inadequate because they expose how much I don’t know. And I feel like I just can’t predict what they are going to ask.

Teaching is hard. Teaching is truly, truly hard. I had no idea how difficult it is. And it is something that I feel like I have to literally take day-by-day, except that one bad day erases like 4 good days.

Is it supposed to be this hard? If I were meant to be a teacher…if teaching were something that I were meant to truly enjoy….would it be this hard? Wouldn’t I be good at it? Have a “knack” for it? Am I trying to force my square peg self into the round hole of teaching? I’m starting to feel like it’s truly not a good fit…